It took me a while to publish this post. I spent a lot of time staring at the earlier drafts and with time, it was slowly forgotten. It has actually been 4 months since the break up. I am still single but have gone through many realizations.
What you are about to read is my last draft of my reflections on the first month. I left it as is so the emotions are quite fresh
with a sprinkle of bitterness.
The most important thing I learned from these four months of being single is this: In order to move on, I needed to forgive (him) to forget (and move on with my life).
Everyone has their own way of coping with heartache. For some, it’s engaging in intimacy with the first male in sight. For others, it’s crying and eating uncontrollably or maybe shopping ’til you’re so broke there are new scratch marks on your credit card (ahem). All these, I’ve
sadly either done or contemplated on doing these past few weeks.
So imagine my surprise on New Year’s Eve, after scrolling through what felt like an eternity’s worth of New Year’s greetings on Facebook, that it finally hit me what I needed to do to pick myself up. If I had to describe it, it was like finally realizing that your grade went up and you’ve been wearing glasses with the wrong prescription this whole time. You take them off and think, “So this is why I’ve been getting all those headaches.”
The answer was always there with me, from the very beginning. I was feeling helpless, trying everything to move on as quickly as possible but lo and behold, I subconsciously already knew what the answer was.
Continue reading “The first month of being single”
I hid behind you for so long
that when I came into the light,
I was unrecognizable.
*Photo taken with the Ricoh XR 500
We sat there, quietly making our way along a highway that we’ve passed a million times before. The song comes on and I start tearing up while thinking of everything that we were letting go off and leaving behind. I look at you as if it were the last time and you were crying as well.
Despite everything, all the fights, the tears, the screaming… despite knowing that this was the only way, we held on to each other like we always used to do. We said nothing because we already knew what didn’t need to be put into words.
Nobody said it would be easy leaving the person you loved most.
Because everyone loves juicy gossip.
2016 has officially roundhouse-kicked my butt. You’d think things can’t get any worse than the recent Presidential elections, chaos in Syria, the whole Marcos debacle, losing a loved one… then comes life proving you wrong and reminding you that you are
not never in control.
And even if I’m a pretty optimistic person (at least, I’d like to think so), this was a blow unlike other blows. When you separate from someone you’ve put alot of time and effort
and love in to, the world becomes a glassy version of what reality is. It’s like stepping into that other world they keep talking about in Stranger Things, it’s familiar but not at the same time. That’s where I’ve been living for the past week, somewhere that looks like my day-to-day life minus all the colors.
Continue reading “The first week of being single”
Day 107/366 thoughts
Stop kidding yourself. No matter how many lies you make up about the kind of life you live or the kind of person you are, the web that you’ve woven will unravel and reveal the ultimate truth: that you’re a sham.
To live authentic is the ultimate struggle in this 21st century, self-entitled, millennial world.