Don’t forget to love yourself.

I just spent a good portion of my day watching Youtube videos of people giving expert advice as to how to get someone to be attracted to you. I was doing this because I wanted to find answers. Weeks ago, I met a guy that made my heart skip a beat. He was the person that I always said never existed: someone who could make me fall head over heels at the first meeting.

After pondering over these alien feelings, I realized that I had indeed fallen for this person who was essentially, still a stranger to me. I’ve barely skimmed the surface of what makes him a person and yet, he’s the only constant thought that I have every single day since that first encounter. I will even go as far as saying that I think I’m already in love with him.

How strange is it to feel this way about someone whom I barely know.

Continue reading “Don’t forget to love yourself.”

Inner monologue

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It’s been so long since I’ve “written” anything with my magnets. So many times, I would sit there staring at all the words and come up with nothing. There was nothing that inspired me and there was nothing to be said. But finally, FINALLY, something came to me.

I woke up at 3AM this morning. I tossed and turned for a good hour before deciding to just give up and get up and eat. I decided to plan my week and catch up on some writing. This year, I decided that I was going to start writing in a journal again but the catch is I wouldn’t just write whenever I had something to say. This year, I will write about every single day of 2017 and haven’t missed a single day so far.

It was while writing that it came to me. I pulled up a chair and stared at all the words once more. I slowly weaved them together until they made sense. I felt triumphant and relieved that I finally got it off my chest.

March, like every month that came before it, was tough on me but it gave me something the others did not: laughter. I laughed and cried so much in March. It started off difficult but redeemed itself in its last days. I met old and new friends. I experienced and learned new things. I finally got back on the mat and my practice is slowly steadying itself like before. Life is good and I’m hopeful for the months to come.

The first month of being single

It took me a while to publish this post. I spent a lot of time staring at the earlier drafts and with time, it was slowly forgotten. It has actually been 4 months since the break up. I am still single but have gone through many realizations.

What you are about to read is my last draft of my reflections on the first month. I left it as is so the emotions are quite fresh with a sprinkle of bitterness.

The most important thing I learned from these four months of being single is this: In order to move on, I needed to forgive (him) to forget (and move on with my life).

Everyone has their own way of coping with heartache. For some, it’s engaging in intimacy with the first male in sight. For others, it’s crying and eating uncontrollably or maybe shopping ’til you’re so broke there are new scratch marks on your credit card (ahem). All these, I’ve sadly either done or contemplated on doing these past few weeks.

So imagine my surprise on New Year’s Eve, after scrolling through what felt like an eternity’s worth of New Year’s greetings on Facebook, that it finally hit me what I needed to do to pick myself up. If I had to describe it, it was like finally realizing that your grade went up and you’ve been wearing glasses with the wrong prescription this whole time. You take them off and think, “So this is why I’ve been getting all those headaches.”

The answer was always there with me, from the very beginning. I was feeling helpless, trying everything to move on as quickly as possible but lo and behold, I subconsciously already knew what the answer was.

Continue reading “The first month of being single”

Tagaytay Photo Diary

Let’s paint the scene. It was the end of 2016, I was single, grieving, working at a job I really wasn’t happy with and wallowing in self pity. I had spent the last two months of the year on an emotional roller coaster. Things weren’t exactly ideal. So when Annie said that she was game to go on a short getaway trip with me to recharge and clear my head, I began my search for the perfect Airbnb in Tagaytay.

Tagaytay City, the place everybody runs away too when they want to escape the noise and pollution of Manila. Because I wanted to get away as soon as possible, I chose to go to Tagaytay on the first weekend of the year. Never mind the fact that I had never actually explored Tagaytay (past trips were done with Ralf and we only ever went to one place and for work) before, I just wanted to find a cozy spot, far far away from all the places that reminded me of 2016.

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After searching high and low on Airbnb for an affordable and quiet stay, we decided to spend out one-night stay at Moon Garden Bed and Breakfast. I was intrigued by their photos (of course) and the description written by Ian (the owner). I messaged him about our plan and interest to stay at Moon Garden and he happily obliged. Communicating with him was very easy, something that you should always look for when you’re choosing accommodations via Airbnb. You can check out their listing here.

Continue reading “Tagaytay Photo Diary”